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Children (who did not reach puberty) are not commanded to fast. However, their parents or guardians are strongly recommended to encourage them to fast few days so that they get used to it and they grow up knowing of the worship of fasting as they would know that of praying. In fact this was the practise of the first women of Islam who were living around the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam. An example of that is ar-Rubayya’ bint Mu’awiyyah who reported that: “The Messenger of Allah,salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, sent a man on the morning of the day of ‘Ashurah, to the residences of the Ansar, saying: ‘Whoever has spent the morning fasting is to complete his fast. Whoever has not spent this morning fasting should voluntary fast for the remainder of the day.’ We fasted after that announcement, as did our young children. We would go to the mosque and make toys stuffed with cotton for them to play with. If one of them started crying due to hunger, we would give them a toy to play with until it was time to eat.” [al-Bukhari and Muslim.]
Dear sisters and brothers remember that among the seven that Allah will shade under His shade onthe Day of Judgement is a young man who grew up in the worship of Allah. Therefore let your children be one of these.
There are many ways to educate your children about Ramadan, the best and most important of which is to set the good example by fasting properly and behaving according to the Prophetic teachings. This is what your children will take from you first. When you are fulfilling this you can very easily [and they will accept it and practise it easilly as well] teach them what you want. Here are few tips that you can use with your children [you can think of others as well]:
* Depending on their age encourage them to fast a number of days upto every other day or more for those who are almost at the age of puberty. For those who are still young let them fast a day or two and praise them in front of friends and relatives for their achivement.
* Let your children go with their father to the Masjid for Maghrib prayer and break the fast with the larger Muslim community to make them feel the gretness of fasting and the unity of Muslims in worshipping Allah.
* If your children cannot fast let them eat with you at the time of Maghrib and teach them that you are breaking the fast even if they ate before.
* Teach your children the supplication of breaking the fast
* Take your children to the Taraweeh prayer so that they get used it and know about it from their early age. They may sit or stay in the back of the prayer room if they get tired.
* Teach them to give charity. Do it in front of them and tell them you are doing it because the reward increases in Ramadan.
* Teach them to recite Qur’an regularily and inform them that the Prophet (S) used to do that in Ramadan.
* Correct them if they behave wrongly or say unaccaptable words and remind them that they are fasting ot they are in Ramadan and this may alter their reward.
* Wake them up for Suhoor [even if they don't fast] and Fajr prayer.
* Teach them to feed the people fasting and tell them about the reward for that.
* Dress them in the best clothes, give them a bath and take them with you to the Eid Prayer. Teach them that this is our feast and celebration and that christmas, easter, thanksgiving and other holidays are not ours. Stress the distinction.
It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (May be upon him) said: Beware. every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The Caliph is a shepherd over the people and shall be questioned about his subjects (as to how he conducted their affairs). A man is a guardian over the members of his family and shall be questioned about them (as to how he looked after their physical and moral well-being). A woman is a guardian over the household of her husband and his children and shall be questioned about them (as to how she managed the household and brought up the children). A slave is a guardian over the property of his master and shall be questioned about it (as to how he safeguarded his trust). Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust. MUSLIM
[Posted by Shayistha Abdulla]
Written by Aalam, Mohammed
We may not want to, but we do make life difficult for our school going children. We hurt their self-esteem when we say “If Rahul and Leena can get good ranks, we can’t you?” We hurt their emotions when we give them laptops but not our laps to sit upon. We take away their self-control when we tell then to hit back when somebody hurts them.
What happens to these kids with weakened emotional, mental and morale mind-set? They walk the path of suicide, violent behavior, drug abuse and extreme depression.
As parents and mentors, we have to act before it’s too late. Start with these few insights. Based on observation and child psychology, they empower the kid’s mental and emotional make-up.
1. Don’t insult your child ever. Choose your words very carefully even when he has done something wrong. For instance, don’t say “You are a bad boy because you broke the flower vase”. Say “Breaking things is bad”. Address the problem. Not the person.
2. Comparing his performance in exams, learning and sports with his classmates, brothers, sisters or even yours, is a sure shot self-esteem damager. Instead compare him with his own past performance.
3. Never teach children to “hit back”. Instead, teach them how to resolve a conflict.
4. Teach your kid that REAL FAILURE IS IN NOT TRYING. Teach them the famous quote “It doesn’t matter how many times you have fallen. The only thing that matters is how many times you got up”.
5. Don’t use your child’s rank, medals, or trophies to win prestige in society.
6. Remember… too much of threats, punishments and competition release stress hormones that harm your child’s brain and emotional stability. So be very careful.
7. Every now and them, empower your child with the confidence that “I am with you, come what may”. It helps them be more stable in the face of adversity.
8. Make sure your daily conversation is not limited only to school, marks and exams.
9. And yes, gifting them laptops and holidays is good. But being with them in their developing age is equally important.
And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zoolm (wrong) indeed. (Holy Qur’an 31:13)
“O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), WellAware (of its place).” (Holy Qur’an 31:16)
“O my son! AqimisSalat (perform AsSalat), enjoin (people) for AlMaroof (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from AlMunkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befall you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.” (Holy Qur’an 31:17)
“And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster.” (Holy Qur’an 31:18)
“And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the ass.” (Holy Qur’an 31:19)
Simple set of words with lots of wisdom. That’s exactly what Allah subhanahu wa thaala is telling us while relating to the story of Luqman in the holy Qur’an. There are different opinions among scholars whether Luqman is a prophet or not. However, he was an intellectual and is known for intelligence and wisdom during his time.
Many a times, we end up forcing our children in to the conducts of Islam. However, we have a good example of Luqman where he very affectionately and kindly advices his son using the words “ya bunayya” which means “oh my dear son”. There is lot of love in it without any tone of command. Islam is based on the belief of One God and it does not force you into anything. Allah subhanahu wa thaala gave mankind the power to decide which path to choose.
The first set of advice from Luqman was not to commit shirk (joining others in the worship of Allah in any form) as it is the highest form of sin. Without our firm belief in Thouheed (Islamic monotheism), none of our deeds are accepted by Allah.
Dear parents, build that faith in Allah among our children right from the start of their life. You will never regret that in your life. Instill in them the concept of a Supreme who is always loving and taking care of them, even though they can not see Him until the hereafter. Help them understand that everything that they see in this life is the blessings of Allah and that we need to be grateful to Him. Build that belief that Allah is always watching them and that they can not hide anything from Him. They need to know that they are responsible for act or deed they do and that they will be rewarded accordingly both in this world as well as the hereafter.
The responsibility of parents does not end here. Parents need to teach their children how to conduct their life in Islam. The next piece of advice gets into that – offer Salah (prayers); enjoin Islamic monotheism and everything good in that; forbid people from disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad; and have patience in times of distress and disaster. These are some of the important qualities that Allah demands every man living in this world.
Children need to be familiar with salah right from their childhood. Parents would be doing a great job if they participate their children while they offering salah in jamaa. I would not be surprised if your child tells you “daddy, you forgot something today” before going to bed. They are so good in watching you that they know you forgot your isha prayer before sleep if they didn’t see you offering it. Take them to the Masjid whenever possible to know the house of Allah.
It’s an innate nature of man to identify good versus evil. Allah subhanahu wa thaala blessed us with this feature that differentiate us from any other living thing. Our children are smart enough to learn what is good and what is evil. Let them know there is always an enemy following them who is committed to lead them astray. Shaitan will never forsake his effort in leading us to evil and we need to be very careful.
Most of the evil that’s happening on earth is based on arrogance. Allah wants us to be humble and forbid us from being arrogant. Luqman warns his son to be careful of that excessive pride which prevents him from being any good to others. Shaitan will try his best to promote arrogance on earth, and we need to be extremely careful. A happy face with a receiving heart would always do wonders.
Many a times, we find ourselves yelling at others to make our point. Some times it happens when we are disappointed. Luqman’s next advice is to control our voice when we speak and compares yelling to the voice of a donkey – a good piece of advice for anger management that we all can benefit from. Most of the times, forcing someone to do something at the top of our voice would not all benefit, rather it would retaliate with a feeling of contempt.
“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon” (Holy Qur’an 25:74)
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